I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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