So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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