In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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