even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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