my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
