accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
