Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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