If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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