its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
