Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have fence marks all over my body
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
