You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
