We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
