i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
