You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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