I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
