bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
