i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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