the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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