It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
