I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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