Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
