I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
