i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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