so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
