Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize