We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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