...so i touched it.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
