The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
