Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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