Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
My orgasm happened in two different decades
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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