please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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