i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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