No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
