my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
