Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
