$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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