I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
