Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
