So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
