I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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