Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
