Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Randomize
