i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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