I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
