I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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