After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
