So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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