Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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