i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You're like the curious george of whores
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
