I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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