i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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