The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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