I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
