God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
