i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize