So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
