i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I want her autograph on my taint
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
