What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
