There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
