so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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