She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
