YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
bring money and cleavage
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I see more hoeing in ur future
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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