Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize