Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
