He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
