you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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