She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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