I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
