I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
