She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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