Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
