I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
