his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
