I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
