Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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