A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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